An open letter

Dear Winter:

I fucking hate you.

You freeze my ass off, make my nose run most attractively, knock me off my feet with your cleverly hidden ice patches, and force me to do manual labour by dumping snow all over my driveway.

Year after year you intrude on both fall and spring, ruthlessly stealing months of pleasant weather for your own selfish glory.

What have I ever done to you? If I have mistreated you in any way, I apologize most sincerely. I would never wish harm on you, and I am sorry if you have interpreted my past words or actions as offensive. I didn't mean all those swears I said over the past couple decades.

Perhaps we could call a truce. You could stop beating my ass every fucking year, and I will buy some snow pants to frolic with you in the woods. Deal?

Lovingly,
Marsha

PS Fuck you.