An Homage to the Depot

I never thought I would have the need, desire, or the bladder capacity to participate in a 3 hour trip to Home Depot. I definitely never foresaw the need to visit Home Depot more than say, once a week. I never really thought about Home Depot all that much, except how much I hated it when I was dragged there by my parents when I was little.

The past couple weeks I have spent as much time at Home Depot as I have sleeping. In fact, I am pretty sure that at one point I actually was sleeping at Home Depot.

Do you know what's really nice about Home Depot? If you stop and stand in one place for, oh, 10 seconds, approximately 17 Home Depot employees will ask how you are, if you're finding everything alright, if you need any help, and if you can move your ass so the big box doesn't fall on your head.

I have spent around a month's salary at Home Depot. In the past two weeks. I have not bought any appliances. I have not bought tiles, or cabinets, or granite counter tops. I have spent a buttload of cash on necessary household items plus paint.

This weekend I will probably visit the Home Depot at least twice. The first time to pick up some lawn maintenance tools like a trimmer and maybe some shovels, and the second time to pick up everything we forgot to get the first time, like compostable green bags and a patio set.

I love my new house. When I get back from the Home Depot and everything is set up to my liking, I will post some pictures.

Little Jackie Paper loved that rascal Puff

When I was little, my mom used to sing lullabies to my sister and me when we got into bed. Those were some of my favourite times. I especially loved when mom would lay with me up on the top bunk (instead of Justine on her easier to reach bottom bunk) and she'd let me sing the part of the queen in Lavendar's Blue.

I loved the song Puff the Magic Dragon. She used to sing that one to us often. It had a nice melody and it was a pretty story. Unfortunately, it also made my little sister cry like a baby, so after a while Puff got scrapped.

I was singing in the shower not too long ago, and realized I only remembered the first few lines of the song. So, in the interest of preserving the good memories of my childhood, I'm putting the lyrics here.

I will never have an awkward silence alone in the shower again.

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee

Little Jackie Paper loved that rascal Puff,
and brought him strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff. Oh

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee

Together they would travel on a boat with billowed sail
Jackie kept a lookout perched on Puff's gigantic tail,
Noble kings and princes would bow whene'er they came,
Pirate ships would lower their flags when Puff roared out his name. Oh

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee

A dragon lives forever but not so little boys
Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys.
One grey night it happened, Jackie Paper came no more
And Puff that mighty dragon, he ceased his fearless roar.

His head was bent in sorrow, green scales fell like rain,
Puff no longer went to play along the cherry lane.
Without his life-long friend, Puff could not be brave,
So Puff that mighty dragon sadly slipped into his cave. Oh

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee

K-k-k-k-kids love my nuts

Because I have a gloriously long commute to work, I get to listen to the boys on The Edge morning show every day. They're frickin' hilarious, and I often end up terrifying the drivers surrounding me by spontaneously busting out the laughter.

Yesterday, a listener emailed in a remix of the infamous Slap Chop commercial. Vince, who we also know from Shamwow, has got some explaining to do.



Seriously? Seriously. It's even better if you don't watch, just listen to the audio. I was laughing so hard in the car, there were tears streaming down my face and I was in danger of a high speed collision.

Find!

Andrew and I drove around town today looking for yard sales because we're 67 and love old vases. We found a big team effort sale, and also scored the jackpot for bikes. They had an old women's Fuji road bike, a pretty black one that was just my size. I offered the lady $20 and she took it.



Hehe. I did some research into it, and I believe that it is a 1988 model.

According to Andrew, it has really good parts, and it's pretty light for an old bike.

It was probably like $600 new, so even though it's as old as my sister, $20 was a total steal.

I will ride this bike like a bucking bull.