Recap

I realized I haven't posted any sort of update recently, despite the fact that quite a lot of shit has gone down recently that sort of changed things. I mentioned most of these events as potentials in earlier posts, and then never elaborated. I should be making cookies right now and not writing this, so I will make it short.

1. I bought a car about a month ago. A 2010 Toyota Matrix. It's white and I had the windows tinted and a sunroof installed and it's the sexiest beast on the road. Also, two days after I picked it up, I allowed Andrew to drive it, and he hit the biggest motherfucking raccoon that has ever walked the planet and cracked my fucking bumper and I didn't talk to him for a few days but that is another post all in itself. I would have pictures of the car, but it broke before I had the chance. I'm not bitter.

2. We're probably getting a puppy. A golden lab. Thanksgiving weekend. Maybe. I'm very excited.

3. Andrew finished a half Ironman. For real. For those of you who don't know, a half Ironman is a 2 km swim followed by an ass-raping 90 km bike ride and then to finish off your self-flagellation, a half marathon, or 21 km, run. It was in Huntsville and the weather was perfect and I have hundreds of pictures but I haven't transferred any to the computer yet.

4. My job has kicked my ass to Jupiter the past few weeks. A couple weeks ago we had an ISO audit, which was stressful, but fine. Then shortly after, everything started tanking in that the other lab tech was in a car accident last Friday and didn't come to work Monday and let me tell you, shit went south really fast. I got into work and one of our batches had failed a QC test so I had to remake it by myself. It also happened to be the largest mother effing batch we had ever made ever, so I was at work extra super-size free refill late. Tuesday and Wednesday I was at work half an hour late both days for differing reasons, then Thursday another fucking batch failed testing so we had to make it again and Jesus Fuck, I am so exhausted.

I can elaborate more on these points later. I may not. For now, it is time for sweet sweet lovin' with the television.

Are you happy with your long distance service?

Saturday night slash Sunday morning, I was snoozing away as usual when my phone rang. I picked it up. The clock said 2:36 am, and it was a private number. I did not answer it because I don't make a habit of talking to incredibly rude people that I don't know.

About 15 seconds later, my phone rings again. This time, I grab it and angrily answer, "Hello?"

There is a 6 or 7 second moment of silence that indicates the caller is a telemarketer who called me not once, but twice. At 2:36 in the morning.

A man says to me, "Hello?"

I say, "It's fucking 2:30 in the morning!"

I know that I actually said that, word for word, because I immediately felt my heart start racing at the thought that I just used the eff word in a conversation with a telemarketer. I live dangerously.

I wait for his reply. After a moment it comes: "Hello?"

I say, "Don't call me again" and hang up.

He didn't call me again.

It took me an hour and a half to fall asleep again, and I think it took Andrew about the same time.

Oh and also, it was the night before Andrew was running a half Ironman. I've heard sleep isn't all that important for that anyway.

Double-you tee eff District 9?

Qu'est-ce que fuck?

I saw this movie. I saw it last Friday. I was excited to see it, I had heard all the hype, it was to be the greatest movie of the summer, [insert more tooting of one's own horn], etc. So, I went.

Let me say here, that since I have seen it, all I have heard about it is that it is fantastic. It is the best thing to come out of Hollywood since the dawn of time, it's better than anything anyone has ever seen, it's a legendary piece de resistance.

It was shit. SHIT.

First of all, the camera? It was strapped to some 8-year old boy on Ritalin, and he was told to vaguely follow this one actor around the whole time while jumping on a trampoline in the middle of an earthquake. I try to avoid things that make me nauseous, and this is one of those things.

As for the story, it was meh. I'm not going to ruin it for anyone who wants to go see it (DON'T), but honestly, it's not so original as everyone seems to be claiming. It's a retelling of a lot of different stories in which a group of people is persecuted and one man tries to save them, while enduring his own personal crisis. Only insert "aliens" for "people", and you have a summary of this film.

I'm not sure why I am so enraged by all the positive ratings this movie is receiving, I only know that I am.

Today, I hate my uterus

The end.

Jesus, I might have asthma

Thanks to the vast amounts of information available on the internets, self-diagnosis is much easier than reading medical jargon in huge textbooks. It's also a lot less accurate. It's pretty easy to scare yourself into thinking you have cancer because your tongue was hurting this morning.

Yesterday I rode my bike up a long, gradual hill. It was hard, I'm not going to lie. I nearly fell over, and apparently I was grunting and wailing quite a bit because at the top I realized we were beside a golf course and there were three men standing right there staring at me. As it happened, as soon as I stopped at the top of the hill, I suffered an immense wheezing attack. I. could. not. breathe. It was rather terrifying, to be honest. It lasted a good few minutes, and then I got back on my bike to ride home. This probably doesn't sound like a good idea (because it wasn't), but we were pretty far from home and walking in cycling shoes is not my idea of a good time. Walking for an hour in cycling shoes would have put me in tears. So, I got back on my bike, coasted down a few hills, pedalled easily on the flats.

Then, there was a small hill. I said screw it, I'm fine, and rode up it no problem. Good. Then there was another hill. I said screw it, I was fine on the last one, and rode up it. I started coasting down the other side, and Wheeze McWheezerton came around to visit again. Fucking prick. So, I stopped and walked up the next hill (it's very hilly around here, I may have mentioned this before), and then rode the rest of the way home.

Based on my sleuthing skills, I believe I might have exercise induced asthma. My dad has allergies, as does my sister, and my youngest sister had asthma as a baby, so the whole thing runs in my family. I've experienced the wheezing and difficulty breathing before while running, but not while biking. The intensity of biking is normally much lower.

I sure wish my benefits would kick in so I could get my ass to a doctor. So, you know, I don't die. I like to avoid dying as much as I can. In fact, I've sort of dedicated my life to it.

Mass and migraines

Both have been unpredictable and a little irritating.

Does anybody else gain weight when they start exercising regularly and eating healthily? Or am I the only lucky one? Andrew got a scale for Christmas that measures weight, fat percent, and hydration. As I exercise more and eat more fruits and veggies (V8 V-fusion is fantastic), my weight has been increasing ever so slightly, along with my fat percent. So, I am not adding heavier muscle, I am...making more fat. Oh, the wonders and joys of my body.

Also in the luck department, I never used to get eye-tearing, moan-inducing headaches centred intensely around my left eye. The last few years I have been getting these monsters for about a week, every few months or so. I was in denial for a while, refusing to believe I too had succumbed to the intense pain gene that is prevalent in both sides of my family. However, I think it's time to admit it. I get migraines, and they suck.

A lot.

There is one developing today. It's been trying to surface all week, I can feel it hovering there, threatening to burst forth when I least expect it. On Sunday it was almost full blown, but I somehow managed to conquer it with a few Motrin and a nap. I'm not sure I will be so lucky today, or tomorrow. I've never escaped an attack before. Especially not one that has been building slowly, biding its time, positioning itself just so.

I'm scared. Hold me?