Girl From Mars

Dear Bourbon,

2011-11-05T21:23:00.001-04:00

Where have you been all my life?

2011-10-19T18:04:00.003-04:00

Well today was just awful. I received terrible and unexpected news in an email in front of my boss, and was unable to show the reaction I wanted to show. I nearly threw up from trying to keep it in. It was a terrible feeling, made worse by knowing I had to keep it together until I was alone.

Thank the stars we still have some of that orange-coffee infused vodka left over from Thanksgiving.

2011-10-03T08:48:00.005-04:00

...and then a year and a half later, I decided to reawaken my blog.

Well. Hello. I think it would be fitting to run down a quick list of all the things that have happened to me since my last post. It's fair to say that it's been a lot.

I got engaged, on my 24th birthday, in the bathroom getting ready for bed, while wearing a shirt that says "Canada - it's better on top eh?" because Andrew and I are the epitome of class.

I got braces, in June 2010. I've still got them, but my teeth are straight now. Eventually when I get them off, I will post pictures of the progression through the treatment, with many details about how painful it was and how big of a baby I am.

I ran a half marathon. It took me 2 hours and 11 minutes, which was 11 minutes slower than my unofficial goal, and overall, an embarrassing pace. But I did it, mother fuckers, so there.

I went to Hawaii and got married.

I returned from Hawaii to find that my cat had lost himself. We still don't know where, or how, or when, but Paul is officially gone. And despite the fact that I was responsible for him, and something bad happened to the poor guy, he was a huge asshole, so I hope this doesn't turn out like a Fred Penner song.

I grew my hair out really long again. I like short hair on me, but I really like having long hair. If I don't want to spend time on it in the morning, I don't have to. It does cost a lot more in shampoo.

That about sums up the significant events. I'm sure there are plenty I don't recall that were minutely life changing.

Until next time.

She is Mine

2010-03-07T11:18:00.001-05:00

PRETTEH!

I don't buy everything I read; I haven't even read everything I've bought

2010-01-31T10:14:00.005-05:00

Last night Tesla slept out of her crate for the very first time. She was very well behaved, she didn't roam around or get into any trouble at all. My little baby is growing up so fast.

I don't think Paul slept at all last night. He stayed up, peering over the edge of the bed, keeping watch in case she tried anything untoward.

Like his new blue bow tie tag? He likes it. He gets his expensive food all over it.

Tesla has been taking up all of my free time. I didn't realize how much time and effort dogs take; I used to come home from work, dick around for a while, go for a run or do some pilates or ride the bike, make supper, then read/watch some TV/go grocery shopping/play on the internets, and go to bed. Now, I come home from work, entertain/train/feed/care for Tesla for at least two hours, go to the dark park, make a late supper while trying to prevent Paul from killing Tesla or vice versa, eat it while watching TV at 9, then go to sleep after taking Tesla outside for a late night walk/poop. Weekends she gets up between 5:30 and 6 to be fed and pee, then she'll sleep a bit longer, until maybe 7:30. Then it's play time! Get up! Let's play! If she wasn't so fricking wonderful I would hate it.

This explains why she's all I ever talk about - she's all I have time for. I can't wait until she's 4. I've been told that's when labs generally settle into their calm and steady personalities. By then I'll probably have forgotten how much work she was as a puppy and will misguidedly want a baby. Goodbye personal freedoms.

We have, however, found the time (during her post-dog park naps) to find and buy this:

We should get to pick it up today, though hopefully it doesn't include that sample picture of an incestuous orgy, as the product photo suggests. Is that what entices buyers in today's world?

Andrew and I are finally entering the fine universe of HD. We're a little late, I know, but not everyone is rich with unlimited options. Especially those of us with mortgages and sick cats.

I am very excited. I think a movie marathon will soon be called for. Maybe we'll rent Homeward Bound for the kiddies.

An open letter

2009-12-19T09:35:00.003-05:00

Dear Winter:

I fucking hate you.

You freeze my ass off, make my nose run most attractively, knock me off my feet with your cleverly hidden ice patches, and force me to do manual labour by dumping snow all over my driveway.

Year after year you intrude on both fall and spring, ruthlessly stealing months of pleasant weather for your own selfish glory.

What have I ever done to you? If I have mistreated you in any way, I apologize most sincerely. I would never wish harm on you, and I am sorry if you have interpreted my past words or actions as offensive. I didn't mean all those swears I said over the past couple decades.

Perhaps we could call a truce. You could stop beating my ass every fucking year, and I will buy some snow pants to frolic with you in the woods. Deal?

Lovingly,
Marsha

PS Fuck you.

Pet$

2009-12-06T11:33:00.009-05:00

Pets are so expensive. It's the eyes, I swear. They look at you with those eyes, and before you know it you're coming home from "Christmas shopping" with dog toys and treats and goodies she just has to have, and you're talking like some kind of brain deficient because she's such a "cutie wootie oh look at her big paws I could just eat her right up for supper".

Tesla has turned out to be a fabulous little puppy. She enjoys learning new tricks, and has the ability to focus intensely for quite a while considering she's only 15 weeks old. Thanks to puppy classes and hours of work, she knows the basic commands of sit, down, and stand. We're working on stay right now, it's going slowly. She's not a fan of having to remain in one place for too long. Puppy energy.

She knows some tricks too, like speak, gimme 5, gimme 10, jump up, off, shake a paw, and drop it. Some of them will be useful in preventing her from eating things she's not supposed to, like loose change off the floor, or the cat, but most of them are just fun.

She's at the point now where sometimes she'll just try doing tricks without the command, just to see if she can get a treat. It's pretty funny. She's too cute.

High five!

Yes!

Treat!

Cats are expensive too, as it turns out. Especially when they have problems with their penis.

A few days ago, Paul stood up on our bed and promptly started peeing. When I rushed into the bedroom to stop him, I saw there were only a few drops of pee on the bedspread, not a big puddle. He had also been rather fatigued for a few days prior. Tesla had a vet appointment that night to get her final round of shots, so we decided to call the vet later that day and see if we should take Paul in at the same time.

At work, I called the vet at lunch time and told her what had happened. Her response was along the lines of "Your cat might die at any second". Turns out, male cats can often be susceptible to urinary blockage, especially those fed exclusively dry food, like Paul. Urinary blockage can be rapidly fatal, as toxins cannot be expelled from the body and kidney failure is nothing to sneeze at. Sooo, I rushed home in a panic and drove the poor kitty to the hospital. He had to stay overnight with a catheter up his noodle. He came home the next night with an arsenal of drugs, bloody paws, and an extremely nice attitude toward us.

I figured he was being so nice due to the drugs mellowing him out, but I wasn't complaining since not getting bitten in the thigh hard enough to draw blood when all I'm trying to do is get into bed is how I like to live my life.

So, the brave little soldier gets 6 pills and 2 shots of liquid shoved down his throat every day, and has to eat a prescription diet of canned food which he hates. This morning though, he attacked my ankles as I walked up the basement steps and I was overjoyed. A massive vet bill later, my kitty is back to his old self. I wouldn't have the little asshole any other way.

Mumbo Jumbo

2009-11-14T10:04:00.003-05:00

I have a hankering for Love Actually.

I'm feeling very Christmasy. This time of year is the very best - September to December I always feel like there is an electric charge in the air. I catch myself smiling goofily and dancing and singing more than I do the rest of the year, it's like the season just brings an invisible uplifting wind and I get carried all away.

Work has been licking my asshole the past week or so. I have been literally scrubbing floors on my hands and knees with a bucket of water, cleaning both labs by myself every day twice a day. I pray to sweet Jesus, Mary, Joseph, and the camel that we are back up and running soon because I'm not sure how much longer I can take it.

But - Christmas is coming! I could never be sad.

Accomplishments

2009-10-25T16:56:00.003-04:00

I ran my first running race this morning. It was The Turkey Trot in Burlington, and I did the 10 km distance. I have been training for it for a little over a month. Before today I had run 10 km all in one go perhaps 2, maybe 3 times. Based on my performance on those runs, I was expecting a time of a bit over an hour, so of course, I made an hour my goal.

Well. If I didn't go and finish with a time of under 59 fucking minutes. I am incredible, I know. The official results aren't up yet, but they had a clock there and Andrew (whom I dragged along with me) wore his heart rate monitor watch and timed us, so I am reasonably confident of my time.

Also my official time will be about 20 seconds longer than it actually took me, since I started somewhat in the middle of the pack and it took me around 20 seconds just to get to the starting line.

It was a beautiful day, perfect running weather. Cool enough that I wasn't uncomfortable, but not so cold that my lungs were burning. It was an exhilarating experience, and I think I will look into doing more. I'm not sure why I haven't done any before now, I am forever following Andrew to his. But, now I know, I like them. I'm sure my closet will soon be full of ugly ass race t-shirts that are too big for me. Yaay!

Caramel Apples

2009-10-17T21:25:00.005-04:00

Fall is my favourite season. I love the weather, the colours, the clothes, the smell, everything. I decided to try my hand at caramel apples this year. I have managed to forget nearly everything I learned about apples during the years I worked at the market, so I bought a couple kinds to test out. I ended up going with Empire.

I got the recipe for the caramel from my Food Network magazine. Man I love the Food Network. I didn't have light corn syrup, so I just used my regular corn syrup.

I love my candy thermometer. It was relatively easy, as melting sugar normally is. I'm not sure why I've never tried caramel apples before. I rolled a couple in peanuts and left the rest plain.

We haven't tried them yet, but I'm hoping they're as good as they look.

Egads sofhaehroinsd sdlkflskdjf what?

2009-10-12T17:59:00.004-04:00

Everyone says that having a puppy is like having a baby. Everyone says it. Everyone.

I believed them, I did. I mean, everyone says it, so it must be true. That's how Wikipedia works and it has never failed me. I believed them, it would be like having a baby, yes, okay, I can handle it.

It is like having a baby. She cries, pees, wakes up all night long, sleeps, bites, whines, poops, sleeps, and looks at you with the sweetest eyes you have ever seen. Then sleeps.

The crying is the worst part. When I say "crying" I mean "howling like a vicious banshee on the lonely northern expanse". In our kitchen. The neighbours don't need to sleep, right?

I wish I didn't have to go to work. Like, ever again. LOOK AT HER SMILING FACE:

Hello Tesla!

2009-10-08T21:41:00.007-04:00

A new addition to the family

2009-10-01T16:51:00.005-04:00

Puppy!

We bought ourselves a puppy last night. She gets to come home with us Thanksgiving weekend. We're going to name her Tesla, and Paul will probably never speak to us again.

SLJKHSILUYRIOUHISDGKUTSIUGISA Keyboard SMASH

2009-09-28T16:50:00.002-04:00

I complained last night about my last week of work being awful. And it was, it was horrid.

This morning I walked into my building to find out the water heater on the third floor broke/exploded/committed suicide last night, and there was water everywhere. Our lab, which is a clean room, is useless. One of the upstairs offices looks like Mike Holmes took a sledgehammer to it and then left.

So, my job description now involves simply cleaning. A lot of cleaning. And repairing. And praying.

Mother. Mother fuck.

Recap

2009-09-27T19:44:00.003-04:00

I realized I haven't posted any sort of update recently, despite the fact that quite a lot of shit has gone down recently that sort of changed things. I mentioned most of these events as potentials in earlier posts, and then never elaborated. I should be making cookies right now and not writing this, so I will make it short.

1. I bought a car about a month ago. A 2010 Toyota Matrix. It's white and I had the windows tinted and a sunroof installed and it's the sexiest beast on the road. Also, two days after I picked it up, I allowed Andrew to drive it, and he hit the biggest motherfucking raccoon that has ever walked the planet and cracked my fucking bumper and I didn't talk to him for a few days but that is another post all in itself. I would have pictures of the car, but it broke before I had the chance. I'm not bitter.

2. We're probably getting a puppy. A golden lab. Thanksgiving weekend. Maybe. I'm very excited.

3. Andrew finished a half Ironman. For real. For those of you who don't know, a half Ironman is a 2 km swim followed by an ass-raping 90 km bike ride and then to finish off your self-flagellation, a half marathon, or 21 km, run. It was in Huntsville and the weather was perfect and I have hundreds of pictures but I haven't transferred any to the computer yet.

4. My job has kicked my ass to Jupiter the past few weeks. A couple weeks ago we had an ISO audit, which was stressful, but fine. Then shortly after, everything started tanking in that the other lab tech was in a car accident last Friday and didn't come to work Monday and let me tell you, shit went south really fast. I got into work and one of our batches had failed a QC test so I had to remake it by myself. It also happened to be the largest mother effing batch we had ever made ever, so I was at work extra super-size free refill late. Tuesday and Wednesday I was at work half an hour late both days for differing reasons, then Thursday another fucking batch failed testing so we had to make it again and Jesus Fuck, I am so exhausted.

I can elaborate more on these points later. I may not. For now, it is time for sweet sweet lovin' with the television.

Are you happy with your long distance service?

2009-09-15T17:03:00.003-04:00

Saturday night slash Sunday morning, I was snoozing away as usual when my phone rang. I picked it up. The clock said 2:36 am, and it was a private number. I did not answer it because I don't make a habit of talking to incredibly rude people that I don't know.

About 15 seconds later, my phone rings again. This time, I grab it and angrily answer, "Hello?"

There is a 6 or 7 second moment of silence that indicates the caller is a telemarketer who called me not once, but twice. At 2:36 in the morning.

A man says to me, "Hello?"

I say, "It's fucking 2:30 in the morning!"

I know that I actually said that, word for word, because I immediately felt my heart start racing at the thought that I just used the eff word in a conversation with a telemarketer. I live dangerously.

I wait for his reply. After a moment it comes: "Hello?"

I say, "Don't call me again" and hang up.

He didn't call me again.

It took me an hour and a half to fall asleep again, and I think it took Andrew about the same time.

Oh and also, it was the night before Andrew was running a half Ironman. I've heard sleep isn't all that important for that anyway.

La la la, la la la, la la laaa, la la la

2009-09-07T15:14:00.003-04:00

Our neighbour Gary just brought us a bottle of wine for cutting his grass for him, and now I am a tad bit tipsy. You wouldn't believe the typing errors I am making.

We are thinking quite seriously about getting a dog. A vizsla. One of these ones specifically:

This breed is reportedly incredibly active, requiring at least 7 hours of good exercise a week. That works out to about an hour a day, for those of you with your fingers out. Since both Andrew and I are pretty active people, and we love being outside, this dog would be perfect for us.

I want one quite badly. We've been talking to a breeder who has a puppy available right now, so I guess we'll see if that pans out.

Wow, I'm really quite drunk. How embarrassing.

Anyway, that's what's been going on around here. I had a lovely long weekend. Yesterday was Andrew's birthday, I made him a beautiful chocolate/caramel tart with come dark chocolate ganache topping, it's pretty effing fabulous. It tastes rather like Cadbury cream eggs, which are a guilty pleasure of mine. No pictures though :( There were mini sparklers and everything.

I am supposed to be going for a run today. I should go sober up. Or something.

I'm slowly turning into you

2009-08-23T20:11:00.022-04:00

We got a hell of a lot of shit done this weekend around the house. I can't even begin to guess at the amount of money we spent on both functional and decorative fixtures, but our house looks a-may-zing. In celebration of our accomplishments thus far, I've decided to post a series of before and after photos so you can all ooh and aah appropriately. And I expect oohing and aahing and yes that means you.

First up: the front bathroom. Up until yesterday, this room looked approximately akin to the before picture. There was a bar of soap and a towel, and that was all.

Now it's my favourite room in the house. Is that weird?

Next we have the dining room.

There are a couple after shots because I like the other angle better, but the first is taken from the same general area as the before picture. Also, please note that the red papasan chair you see in the after picture is now cushionless, as a certain asshole feline decided it was his personal shitter and pissed all over it right in front of us 30 seconds after I was already supposed to have left for work.

The upstairs hallway, I don't have a good before picture of. But if you look at this one:

and imagine you are actually turned around 180 degrees and staring at a blank wall, that is what was there prior to this:

We hung a picture. And by "we" I mean "I". I hang most of the things in the house. I'm good with a stud finder.

After that of course we have the office, which was a sad looking this:

But now is a fabulous this (there is more to the office, but as of right now I only have pictures in raw format and I don't feel like converting them to something this blog will understand):

Next we have our lovely TV room. This was a vomitious poorly painted yellow and smelled strongly of baby powder.

Now, it's an eyeball popping lime green (love it) and has incredible shelves which I put up all by myself.

Our master bath was the first room we actually pimped out. Before we spent an extravagant amount of money, it looked like this:

And now it's a luxurious this:

I'm not going to bother with kitchen and master bedroom, because we haven't done much with those. Yet.

For the grand finale however, I give you the front of our house when we bought it:

After a full three weeks of hardass labour, we have finished a gorgeous front walkway. There is still some grass and edging clean-up that needs to be done, but other than that it's pretty fucking spectacular. I will post the pictures of the whole process (we documented it well) later, but the pictures in this post are taking long enough already. So, here she is. Be suitably impressed.

Double-you tee eff District 9?

2009-08-21T11:53:00.003-04:00

Qu'est-ce que fuck?

I saw this movie. I saw it last Friday. I was excited to see it, I had heard all the hype, it was to be the greatest movie of the summer, [insert more tooting of one's own horn], etc. So, I went.

Let me say here, that since I have seen it, all I have heard about it is that it is fantastic. It is the best thing to come out of Hollywood since the dawn of time, it's better than anything anyone has ever seen, it's a legendary piece de resistance.

It was shit. SHIT.

First of all, the camera? It was strapped to some 8-year old boy on Ritalin, and he was told to vaguely follow this one actor around the whole time while jumping on a trampoline in the middle of an earthquake. I try to avoid things that make me nauseous, and this is one of those things.

As for the story, it was meh. I'm not going to ruin it for anyone who wants to go see it (DON'T), but honestly, it's not so original as everyone seems to be claiming. It's a retelling of a lot of different stories in which a group of people is persecuted and one man tries to save them, while enduring his own personal crisis. Only insert "aliens" for "people", and you have a summary of this film.

I'm not sure why I am so enraged by all the positive ratings this movie is receiving, I only know that I am.

The Boston Cream Pie Incident

2009-08-19T17:39:00.009-04:00

Andrew and I both love boston cream doughnuts. It's kind of a weakness. As I am writing this I realize it has been quite a while since I have had a doughnut, and I feel this needs to be remedied soon, so now I know what I'll be doing this weekend.

Anyway, a while back, Andrew was interested in getting a boston cream pie. Since a single serving doughnut is delicious, he decided, a whole pie size boston cream doughnut must be out of this world. Once he found out boston cream pie is really a cake with some custard in it, he turned his puppy dog eyes on me and ~~whimpered at~~ asked me politely to perhaps think about how to make something that would be more like a doughnut or at least not cake?

So I thought about it. I decided that since I don't have a deep fryer, any kind of doughnut-making attempt would probably end up as cake. I played with the whole "pie" concept, but decided it would be taking the name a tad too literally. I don't follow anyone's rules but my own. I settled on a graham cracker crumb base.

The centre was easy, it was just custard. It was interesting for me, as I have never made custard before. As it turns out, custard is easy. Very easy. Almost too easy... It did use up 4 of my 6 eggs though, and free run eggs are not cheap.

After the custard, all that was left to figure out was the chocolate topping. I got some good dark chocolate bars and melted them in a double boiler, added some cream, and poured that all over. It ended up hardening too much, but that was okay because it tasted delicious.

Next time, I think I will go with an actual pie crust. The graham cracker crumbs were delicious, but not the best match to custard. I'd also add more cream to the chocolate to help it stay a bit creamier and less chocolate bar-esque. Or, maybe I'll just drive up the road to Tim Hortons and buy a dozen.

You're gonna make mistakes, you're young

2009-08-16T08:19:00.006-04:00

I'm not quite sure how Andrew and I manage to do everything ass backwards to the way "normal" people do things, but we do. When we decided it might be a good time for us to perhaps start looking for a house to buy, we ended up making an offer the first day we went out. Our agent assured us it wouldn't last long on the market, and she was right. It was rushed, stressful, crazy, and it didn't work out because there were people around who were more hardcore about the house than we were, on the first day it was put up for sale. Those sellers were lucky bastards. I digress.

Friday Andrew found out he has been accepted to RMC for the fall. YAAAAAAYYY!!! He's been offered the chance to complete his Master's degree in 6 months, which is insanely fantastic, if you ask me. We've been waiting since late spring, when he first heard about this option, and everything was finalized mid-August. Finally. So now, we have a bit over 2 weeks to figure out his transportation from Milton to Kingston twice a week. We have been doing some brainstorming already, and we had pretty much 98% settled on buying another car.

Yesterday to celebrate his great achievement, we thought we'd go around Milton to the dealerships and test drive some shit. We went to Honda first, and tried out the Fit.

Source

It was a pretty nice ride, it was surprisingly spacious inside, had a lot of really useful seat configurations for transporting stuff (we transport stuff a lot), and was all around a decent car. We were pretty sure we'd be getting a Fit. The car salesmen did their best to convince us it was in our best interests to buy it RIGHT NOW or at least LATER TODAY rather than coming back because the Fit is an endangered species and it's really hard to get and this deal is only on until Tuesday and Angelo made a reading mistake so we'll give you $500 off but ONLY TODAY so we shook their hands and hightailed it out of there.

But we did really like the car.

Next was Toyota, because I've wanted a Matrix for just about ever. They happened to have a demo 2010 white Matrix with the Touring package and dark interior for sale with only 4000km and I nearly peed my pants I was so excited. A demo was exactly what we were hoping to find, and one with low kilometres that they were willing to sell is a fucking incredible deal. We hemmed and hawed, but I really wanted it and Andrew really wanted it. I took it out for a drive, Andrew drove for a bit, it was a long drive with a huge sales guy in the back seat. This car is similar to the Corolla we have now, except slightly heavier and obviously, a hatchback instead of a sedan. It drives like a dream and has storage space I fantasize about when I should be working. Just like your hot girlfriend, it looks good from the outside, and feels good from the inside. We can add a sunroof and tint the windows and I will be the luckiest bitch in town.

Source

It's a sexy car. We didn't buy it on the spot, because I wanted to go home and think about it. Toyota was much better at not pressuring us to buy buy buy now now now, which was nice. We came home, thought about it, and we're going to go back Monday and get that shit. Providing it hasn't already been sold by then. Oh man, I can't wait for my new car.

At both places, moreso at Honda but still to some degree at Toyota, I felt slightly patronized and more than a little discriminated against because of my age. Both dealers assumed that because we were young, we had no idea what was going on, and that we don't understand financing or discounts or taxes. It was almost funny, because I could step back while they were explaining these things to these kids, and come back with an intelligent question. I've bought a house jackass, a five year financing plan doesn't scare me. Not even a little. I know what I want in a car, I'm not stupid, and I'm not going to be pressured into something because I look like a young girl out on her own without her mommy. /rant.

Hopefully, Monday evening, I will be the proud owner of a quasi-brand-spanking new 2010 Toyota Matrix. I love new toys.

The taste is gonna move ya

2009-07-29T19:57:00.010-04:00

I've been feeling rather blah the past few days. I've been falling asleep early at night, getting up at the same time, and feeling generally shitty all day. I think it's the "malaise" I read about in Immunology. I've almost got the feeling of a building migraine, but not quite. I'm probably dying.

On that note, I was reading Jenny's blog ~~because I like to stalk people on the internet~~, and she had an interesting alphabetical list of things she likes, one for each letter. Due to the fact that I am a latent kleptomaniac, I'm pilfering this idea.

An Alphabet of Things I Love
by Marsha Greer

A - A. The song by The Barenaked Ladies, which basically is just about a lot of things that start with the letter "A": "A is arousal you are giving me an arection come on I'm trying to show affection for longer than a half an hour...". And so on. I love them immensely, and was terribly saddened when I found out Stephen Page was a douchebag coke addict. I hate their recent albums, coincidentally, so their break up didn't really faze me. This song was from an older, amazing album, and this band basically defined my high school existence, because I was incredibly cool in high school.

B - BIOLOGY. Not that pussy ecology shit either. I like the hardcore molecular biology, the proteins, the DNA, the cells. I could live off of cell bio. Evolution would be pretty substantial in slaking my appetite as well, though I don't know as much about it as I'd like.

C - CLEANING. It's a task for which you can visually track the progress you've made, it's simple, and it's satisfying.

D - DRIVING. Despite the fact that I have a 40 minute commute to work every day, I still love driving. I've loved it since the first time my mom let me sit behind the wheel of the old 95 Mercury Villager and cruise down the street and around the corner to my aunt's house. If you love driving while you're sitting in your family minivan beside your very anxious mom who is screaming at you to PUT MORE PRESSURE ON THE BRAKES, DON'T PUT SO MUCH FAITH ON THE BRAKES, YOU HAVE TO START BRAKING SOONER, you love driving for life.

E - ELEPHANTS. The elephant has been my favourite animal since long before I can remember. They're strong, intelligent, and the most dangerous animal at the zoo. Elephants and I have these things in common.

F - FALL. It's my favourite season. I love the crisp air, and the relief it brings after a long hot summer. I love the colours, the smell, and the feel of it. This year is a bit different, since we haven't had a bloody summer yet at all, but generally speaking, autumn is the best.

G - GOSSIPING. Because it makes me feel better about myself.

H - HAY. My sisters and I used to spend our summer sundays horsing around in the hay mow. It was awesome fun. In the winter, my younger sister and I would jump around on the hay bales. One time, I fell in between them, through some snow I had thought was solid. That was a terrifying experience, I don't recommend that to young children. I love the smell of hay, it reminds me of happy times.

I - IMAGINATION. I have a wild one, as evidenced by my persistent fear of the dark that is only reinforced every time I catch myself remembering any one of the myriad of scary stories I read as a kid. I was a dumb kid. But, I do love just sitting and daydreaming, and imagining how this world could be slightly different and all the different permutations that could be possible.

J - JAMIE OLIVER. He's taught me a lot of things about food, and life, and swearing. I buy free range eggs because of him. If he ever cooked me dinner, I would never eat again just to preserve that memory in my mouth.

K - KEGELS. If you're not doing them, you're missing out.

L - LEFT-HANDED PEOPLE. I have no explanation for this. I'm simply drawn to them.

M - MASHED POTATOES. With butter, and cream cheese, and milk, and garlic, and chives, and maybe some cheese. It's the key to my heart.

N - NERDS. We get along.

O - OVEREATING. When it's good food, I will eat a lot of it. I have the body of a skinny person, but my arteries are likely comparable to those of a 68 year old morbidly obese sedentary monk.

P - PUZZLES. I'm pretty good at jigsaw puzzles, and I used to love putting them together. There was a slew of Christmases and birthdays for which I got a 3D puzzle as my main gift, and that was perfectly fine with me. I like crossword puzzles too, and Sudoku, and anything that requires one to Figure Stuff Out.

Q - QUILTS. I like making quilts, and having quilts, and curling up under quilts. I made a spectacular quilt out of old t-shirts and fabric scraps and lace and ribbon once. It is by far the greatest item I have ever created.

R - RUNNING. I have a love/hate relationship with it, but for some reason I always end up going back. I hate it because it hurts. It hurts a lot, and in a lot of places. I love it because it hurts. It removes all thought from your head; it's an incredible stress reliever. It's the one thing I can do where I can accept the pain and work with it, rather than trying to fight it. It makes me feel powerful, and weak.

S - SARCASM. The drier the better.

T - THONGS. Lacy and cute are the best. La Senza is my friend. The $25 for 5 pair deal that they always have on has pretty much fed my addiction.

U - ULULATING. Because who doesn't love a little ululating for the morning battle?

V - VIZSLAS. I want one. Or two. Or seven.

W - WIDE OPEN SPACES. I am a country girl. I have never, do not currently, and will not in the future feel comfortable in a city. I grew up in a house in the country, surrounded by farms and fields and the scent of fresh manure in the air, and that is where my heart will always be.

X - X-FILES, THE. My number one favourite show of all time. The dynamics of the relationship between Mulder and Scully plus the show's ability to scare the bleeding pulp out of me caught me in its trap and never let go.

Y - YAMS. Oh, yam fries, you are so delicious. Sweet potato soup is divine. The mixture of my beloved potato with a sweet, sweet flavour slays me.

Z - ZINFANDEL. The wines made from these grapes are very yummy.

And now you know me a little bit more than you did before.

I may have broken the osmometer

2009-07-16T13:23:00.001-04:00

Stay tuned.

ETA: Nope! The osmometer, lovingly nicknamed "Hitler", is not broken. I just beat the piss out of it. A little.

Zing

2009-07-11T17:30:00.004-04:00

I'm not married, not in any legal sense of the term at least. When one has been with the same person for well over 5 years, however, a ring doesn't really make that much of a difference - except when it comes to taxes.

I've known Andrew's mom since high school. She's perfectly fine, as people go, she's nice, and generous, and has never been anything but gracious towards me. I'm sure she talks about me to other people, and is not necessarily gracious then, but we won't go into that now.

I was reading this article on relationships with in-laws. The following quote actually made me guffaw. Yeah you heard me. Guffaw.

"An Italian study, for instance, done by the National Statistics Institute, found that the odds that a marriage will last increase with every hundred yards that couples put between themselves and their in-laws. Italian courts found this evidence so compelling that they have ruled that a wife has the right to a legal separation if her husband is not effective in preventing his mother from "invading" their home, Apter says."

Italy is pretty far from here. It sounds like a nice place to live.

Today, I hate my uterus

2009-07-11T17:23:00.001-04:00

The end.

Jesus, I might have asthma

2009-07-06T17:05:00.003-04:00

Thanks to the vast amounts of information available on the internets, self-diagnosis is much easier than reading medical jargon in huge textbooks. It's also a lot less accurate. It's pretty easy to scare yourself into thinking you have cancer because your tongue was hurting this morning.

Yesterday I rode my bike up a long, gradual hill. It was hard, I'm not going to lie. I nearly fell over, and apparently I was grunting and wailing quite a bit because at the top I realized we were beside a golf course and there were three men standing right there staring at me. As it happened, as soon as I stopped at the top of the hill, I suffered an immense wheezing attack. I. could. not. breathe. It was rather terrifying, to be honest. It lasted a good few minutes, and then I got back on my bike to ride home. This probably doesn't sound like a good idea (because it wasn't), but we were pretty far from home and walking in cycling shoes is not my idea of a good time. Walking for an hour in cycling shoes would have put me in tears. So, I got back on my bike, coasted down a few hills, pedalled easily on the flats.

Then, there was a small hill. I said screw it, I'm fine, and rode up it no problem. Good. Then there was another hill. I said screw it, I was fine on the last one, and rode up it. I started coasting down the other side, and Wheeze McWheezerton came around to visit again. Fucking prick. So, I stopped and walked up the next hill (it's very hilly around here, I may have mentioned this before), and then rode the rest of the way home.

Based on my sleuthing skills, I believe I might have exercise induced asthma. My dad has allergies, as does my sister, and my youngest sister had asthma as a baby, so the whole thing runs in my family. I've experienced the wheezing and difficulty breathing before while running, but not while biking. The intensity of biking is normally much lower.

I sure wish my benefits would kick in so I could get my ass to a doctor. So, you know, I don't die. I like to avoid dying as much as I can. In fact, I've sort of dedicated my life to it.

Turn your head, now baby just spit me out

2009-06-25T19:52:00.003-04:00

So Michael Jackson died. It has left me wondering what it must be like to die a different colour than one was born. I suppose it won't matter for much longer, unless they cryogenically preserve him against the time we discover how to breathe life into frozen dead people. Actually, they no doubt will keep him around. It's Michael Jackson. We'll need someone to make fun of in the future.

I got myself a brand spankin' new haircut today. I hadn't had a haircut in a long time. I let it go longer than one should, really. My split ends had almost reached the roots, is what I am saying. Anyway, I went to see Melissa at Acqua. I love Melissa, she is awesome. She's also currently very pregnant, it must be killing her to be on her feet all day. Anyway, she turned me into this:

I quite like it. It's pretty much what I had before, but the bangs are slightly different. It's plenty lighter. I will definitely appreciate it for the summer.

Next week is a 3 day work week for me. It's not ideal, I get Wednesday off and I'm taking Friday. Unfortunately I have to be in Thursday, so it will be a bit odd, but we'll make do. The boy and I are going home to the Waterfront Festival, as we do every year. It's the only time of year Cobourg is actually fun. I love it to pieces. I hope the weather co-operates. It likely won't.

I must go get ready to go for a run. The thunderstorms have paused for a bit and the boy will be back soon for me to join him. Off I go!

Today I rode my bike up a hill

2009-06-06T15:14:00.003-04:00

This is your cue to roll your eyes and scoff at what I think a great accomplishment is. Aw, what a cute little girl, she rode up a hill! All by herself!

Fuck you.

Allow me to explain why this warrants an actual entry into this blog:

I ride a road bike. I ride a beautiful, excellent road bike. One that you would take home to your mother. And then take it home and fuck the daylights out of it. My point is, my bike is awesome and it's better than yours.

My bike has clipless pedals, which means I shove my feet into shoes that have cleats, then clip those shoes into my pedals. Thus, to effectively stop my bike without tipping over, I have to unclip one of my pedals before the wheels stop spinning. It took me a while to get the hang of that actually, and I got a few scrapes and bruises from the learning process. I still fall sometimes, especially if I have to stop unexpectedly.

When climbing a hill, it is imperative that the wheels continue spinning so that the bike moves forward. Simple physics, really. In order to keep the wheels spinning, I have to pedal continuously, without stopping. I am not able to unclip a pedal while I am spinning my feet in the pedals. Therefore, when the climbing of a hill has already commenced, I am not given the option to stop without tipping over, which, as discussed above, hurts.

The hill that I faced today was the base of the mightly Milton escarpment. It's a baby hill really, when compared to the roads that wind up and down the face of it. I was about 40 minutes into the ride though, and I had just climbed a somewhat smaller but steeper hill so my legs were wobbly. I looked at this hill ahead of me, and I started to cry. There was no way I was going to make it up this hill. A cyclist travelling in the opposite direction coasted down it at about 40 km/h and cheerfully waved to me. I cheerfully waved back through my streaming tears. Before I knew it, I had started climbing. Three seconds in, I was in my easiest gear, and I realized there was no going back. Thirty seconds in, I seriously considered just falling to the grassy shoulder on the right. About a minute in, my legs and lungs were burning so badly I was shocked I didn't see flames leaping around my face. At that point, I was almost at the top so there was no way in bloody hell I was stopping. The top of the hill was a busy intersection anyway, so if I had fallen close by I probably would have been run over by a car.

I made it though. I made it. I cried, I screamed, I wheezed and my ears bled a little, but I made it up my Big Girl hill.

It was a good ride.

An Homage to the Depot

2009-05-29T21:54:00.003-04:00

I never thought I would have the need, desire, or the bladder capacity to participate in a 3 hour trip to Home Depot. I definitely never foresaw the need to visit Home Depot more than say, once a week. I never really thought about Home Depot all that much, except how much I hated it when I was dragged there by my parents when I was little.

The past couple weeks I have spent as much time at Home Depot as I have sleeping. In fact, I am pretty sure that at one point I actually was sleeping at Home Depot.

Do you know what's really nice about Home Depot? If you stop and stand in one place for, oh, 10 seconds, approximately 17 Home Depot employees will ask how you are, if you're finding everything alright, if you need any help, and if you can move your ass so the big box doesn't fall on your head.

I have spent around a month's salary at Home Depot. In the past two weeks. I have not bought any appliances. I have not bought tiles, or cabinets, or granite counter tops. I have spent a buttload of cash on necessary household items plus paint.

This weekend I will probably visit the Home Depot at least twice. The first time to pick up some lawn maintenance tools like a trimmer and maybe some shovels, and the second time to pick up everything we forgot to get the first time, like compostable green bags and a patio set.

I love my new house. When I get back from the Home Depot and everything is set up to my liking, I will post some pictures.

Little Jackie Paper loved that rascal Puff

2009-05-11T20:59:00.002-04:00

When I was little, my mom used to sing lullabies to my sister and me when we got into bed. Those were some of my favourite times. I especially loved when mom would lay with me up on the top bunk (instead of Justine on her easier to reach bottom bunk) and she'd let me sing the part of the queen in Lavendar's Blue.

I loved the song Puff the Magic Dragon. She used to sing that one to us often. It had a nice melody and it was a pretty story. Unfortunately, it also made my little sister cry like a baby, so after a while Puff got scrapped.

I was singing in the shower not too long ago, and realized I only remembered the first few lines of the song. So, in the interest of preserving the good memories of my childhood, I'm putting the lyrics here.

I will never have an awkward silence alone in the shower again.

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee

Little Jackie Paper loved that rascal Puff,
and brought him strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff. Oh

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee

Together they would travel on a boat with billowed sail
Jackie kept a lookout perched on Puff's gigantic tail,
Noble kings and princes would bow whene'er they came,
Pirate ships would lower their flags when Puff roared out his name. Oh

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee

A dragon lives forever but not so little boys
Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys.
One grey night it happened, Jackie Paper came no more
And Puff that mighty dragon, he ceased his fearless roar.

His head was bent in sorrow, green scales fell like rain,
Puff no longer went to play along the cherry lane.
Without his life-long friend, Puff could not be brave,
So Puff that mighty dragon sadly slipped into his cave. Oh

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee

K-k-k-k-kids love my nuts

2009-05-09T13:25:00.003-04:00

Because I have a gloriously long commute to work, I get to listen to the boys on The Edge morning show every day. They're frickin' hilarious, and I often end up terrifying the drivers surrounding me by spontaneously busting out the laughter.

Yesterday, a listener emailed in a remix of the infamous Slap Chop commercial. Vince, who we also know from Shamwow, has got some explaining to do.

Seriously? Seriously. It's even better if you don't watch, just listen to the audio. I was laughing so hard in the car, there were tears streaming down my face and I was in danger of a high speed collision.

Find!

2009-05-02T12:22:00.008-04:00

Andrew and I drove around town today looking for yard sales ~~because we're 67 and love old vases~~. We found a big team effort sale, and also scored the jackpot for bikes. They had an old women's Fuji road bike, a pretty black one that was just my size. I offered the lady $20 and she took it.

Hehe. I did some research into it, and I believe that it is a 1988 model.

According to Andrew, it has really good parts, and it's pretty light for an old bike.

It was probably like $600 new, so even though it's as old as my sister, $20 was a total steal.

I will ride this bike like a bucking bull.

Fluorine Uranium Carbon Potassium

2009-04-30T15:35:00.002-04:00

You know what's really hard? Math. All those strange symbols that represent quantities. Those weird lines that indicate operations to perform on those quantities. It's all so mysterious.

Adding and subtracting whole numbers are the hardest things to do in math as well. Finding totals, even when allowed to use a calculator, can be very challenging.

If you find math hard*, why in the name of Holy Fuck would you get a job approving mortgage applications?

$13000 + $8000 does not equal $13000.

Ass clown.

*I understand that many people find math hard. I am not trying to insult those people, I am merely suggesting that a career in waste management might be more appropriate than one that requires you to crunch numbers, and gives you the power to ruin people's lives with your vast incompetence.

So Tired

2009-04-23T17:57:00.001-04:00

I need to have this checked out.

I like doing activities

2009-04-22T21:13:00.004-04:00

My Louis Garneau Equipe jersey is impossible to find. Apparently, they are no longer making them because they are a limited item. Our Cyclepath only has larger sizes, which I am not. Everywhere else doesn't even have them available, and cannot get them because LG is out.

Booooo.

Luckily, I am flexible. We went to MEC tonight to look around for other options. We went 10 minutes before they were closing, partly because it took us a while to decide we were going to go, and partly to prevent us from spending the hundreds of dollars that normally get spent there whether we mean to or not. MEC is one of the happiest places on earth.

Somehow, the normally extremely critical, analytical shopper in me found a jersey that I liked within 30 seconds, tried it on, loved it, and bought it before 5 minutes were gone. Very rare for me.

This is it:

It's Castelli, and the colours are much (much) better in real life. Purple. Soft.

Awww, Paulie is curled up on the mountain of boxes in the corner. He rarely induces an "awww" response out of me, so it was worth commenting on.

He got up and left. He's a restless sort of cat.

I have been sucking it up in the active department this week. I fucked up my ankle last week from running, so I'm taking a few days off from that to let it heal. This somehow has lead me to not do anything. Well, that and the weather; the crappy rainy/hailing/overcast/freezing spring weather. Supposed to be nicer this weekend.

I can't wait to move. One month from tomorrow! Yay!

On being an Adult

2009-04-19T16:36:00.002-04:00

It's been a hell of a long time since I made an attempt to update here. I do have a good excuse though. I have been buying a house.

Que?

Yup. I bought me an old (well, new, actually) three bedroom, one and a half bath townhouse in Milton Ontario. It's gorgeous and it's to be mine provided we can finish all of the crazy shit that has to be finished in order to complete the transfer. Buying a house is not for kids.

We've also been busy pimping the cat. You heard me. He always drinks out of the bathroom sink, which is fucking disgusting. We can't just close the bathroom door because it doesn't have a window so the stank just gathers and that's worse than finding cat hairs in your toothbrush. So. Paul is now the proud new owner of a cat drinking fountain. He's such a diva.

Additionally, he scratches everything. The couch, the walls, the doors, the bedspread, our legs, etc., and since we're moving and planning on having Nice Things, we needed to remedy this potential for disaster. My solution? Bright blue Soft Paws. Hah! They work, too. And Paul is pretty now. He's such a diva.

I cannot wait to move out of this dump. I think that's all that needs to be said.

I've been getting back into training hardcore the last few weeks. Andrew got me a fantastic heart rate monitor for my birthday, so it has been some good motivation to get out and move my ass.

I went on a bit of a shopping spree yesterday as well. I may have accidentally gone into a Lululemon store, which is dangerous at the best of times, but especially so when I am way into being active. I only bought one thing though: A sweet-ass running skirt that makes my ass look just as sweet as my description suggests. Chica chica yeah.

I also bought new Mizuno running shoes last week, and some pretty pink LG biking gloves yesterday. Andrew also ordered me a spectacular LG jersey. I sound crazy, even to myself.

I love Lululemon. Coincidentally, Lululemon just opened up an online store. Bad news bears children.

Work has been going well. I'm plenty busy, which is good for me, but I am always tired, which is not. I think once my benefits kick in in a few weeks, I will go to the doctor to have some blood tests done. I just want to make sure there isn't some regulation problem or something. Ugh.

Today I have been enjoying doing nothing. I rarely get the chance anymore, it's a special treat. I actually didn't get out of bed until after 9. It was insanity.

And, that is all.

BScH

2009-02-18T09:37:00.003-05:00

It's official. I have letters after my name.

Yesterday was the weird and wonderful ceremony of convocation. I graduated along with the rest of the College of Biological Science. Our speaker was a hydrogeologist, who not only does work completely unrelated to the discipline of biology, but also gave a long speech that gave the impression he was looking to hire new graduates into his company. It was odd.

So, my Bachelor's degree is done, over, kaput. Onto being a grown-up now.

So long, sweet childhood!

Who needs sleep? (Well you're never gonna get it)

2009-02-14T20:48:00.004-05:00

I am exhausted.

I got a sweet new job making baby juice, and I've been getting up early, commuting an hour both ways, and standing on my feet all day, all week. I'm a real adult now; it's terrifying and wonderful.

I'm working again tomorrow, but I had today off. We went out for breakfast, got groceries, bought me a dress for grad, cleaned the entire apartment, made cookies, fudge, and spent a lot of time not relaxing.

It's a good thing that I do not have to work on Family Day, or Tuesday, or Wednesday, because I am starved for sleep and the couch. Tuesday is convocation, so I'm taking that off to make up for working Sunday (tomorrow), and Wednesday the only other lab tech isn't in and since I'm not trained to actually do anything, going in would be pretty useless. This results in me having a huge stretch of holidays that are not holidays, in my second week of work.

Pretty sweet deal.

Tomorrow Andrew is going to the auto show with his family. I was supposed to go, but then I got hired and was asked to work, so...we know how that turned out. But I will be around for supper. We're having sweet potato soup that we started in the crock pot tonight, lamb, and salad. It should be epic.

All in all, I had a wonderful Valentine's day.

My only indulgence would be that I eat a lot of frozen yogurt...

2009-02-08T17:35:00.006-05:00

I have been a very busy beaver these last few days. I had a job interview earlier this week, and set up another for next week. A few days ago I cranked out a reconstruction of an Incubus t-shirt I've been hanging onto for a long time. I was very happy with the end result. I really love the red material I used, it's soft and sparkly and totally rocker chick.

On Friday my old desktop computer finally heaved its last breath. It's been barely clinging onto the threads of its existence for the past two years or so, so it was not a surprise to me when it suddenly turned off and refused to be revived. Because I'm graduating in just over a week, Andrew decided conveniently that an appropriate graduation gift would be a new computer. Yay! So now I have a lovely new HP laptop, unfortunately with Vista.

So far, I hate Vista with the passion of a thousand burning suns, but I am trying to keep an open mind. It's a huge pain in the ass, and causing me all sorts of inexplicable problems. I imagine I will end up either having Andrew downgrade me to XP, or I will install Ubuntu because I have all sorts of love for that operating system, except for some compatibility issues that require a little extra effort to deal with.

Today I convinced the boy to take me for a walk by the pier. It was beautiful and sunny so I took the camera along. It certainly helped my winter depression to get out of the apartment, although it was really windy down by the water. I bought some vitamin D fortified orange juice today as defense against the Canadian winter. I can't wait for spring.

High school me

2009-02-02T14:59:00.004-05:00

I was going through some of my old stuff today, and I found a book where I used to write poems. About unrequited love, music, and physics.

I did not get physics in high school. It was not taught well, which I still believe to be true, and I know that the teacher, Lenters, was the problem. I know this because when I got to university, I took 2 physics courses. The same courses required by the engineers. We covered exactly the same material I had covered in high school. I was not introduced to any new concepts at all. The only difference was, I GOT IT. It wasn't because it takes me two times to learn something - it doesn't. I may not be good at some things, but school is not one of them. I have plenty of people who will back me up on that.

Anyway, clearly one day I had simply had enough with the whole physics shit hand I was dealt, and I whipped out my flashy silver pen to jot down some lines on my black paper:

I loved that little black book. In case you can't read it (I can barely read it off the page), the date was 3/5/03, so that was grade 11.

Finished

2009-02-02T13:27:00.002-05:00

Adventures as an Abstract Artist

2009-02-01T15:34:00.010-05:00

...and into alliteration.

Andrew and I have been meaning to get some art to cover up these ugly, ugly walls. Unfortunately, we're a little short on cash (this is a running theme in my posts), but neither one of us is interested in cheap crap.

Andrew suggested we paint our own art. Of course, my reaction was: "HA! AS IF!". Then I took a closer look at the types of paintings I was looking at, and...they're probably not that difficult to do. Even for someone like me, a talentless, useless waif.

Thus empowered, I promptly excluded Andrew from the project because I get ridiculously selfish when it comes to my ideas. I asked him for help, because I don't know how to hold a paintbrush, but true to my character, I ignored all the advice he gave me.

I am a stubborn prig. I know it. He knows it.

So, armed with straws and string and brushes and fingers (!), I painted.

Paulie sat very gingerly on the newspapers while the background was drying overnight.

He's still deceptively cute.

Before I started this colourful endeavour, I carefully laid out the billions of newspapers you see. I also asked Andrew if he could move my pretty (PRETTEH!!!) bike into the other room as a preventative measure. He laughed and asked me how the hell I was planning on getting paint on my bike. To that I say, LIKE THIS:

Do you see that? I GOT PAINT ON MY FACE. It's also all over the floor, my socks (because I STEPPED IN IT), my shirt, my pants, my hair (!), the couch, and many other places I don't even want to think about.

This is probably why I never really got into painting. I am a mess.

I will of course post a picture of the finished product as soon as it can be called as such. I wouldn't want to spoil the surprise before then.

I Wish

2009-01-31T16:44:00.004-05:00

Recently I've been crushing on some very beautiful necklaces. Unfortunately, since I am short on money and a job, crushing is just about all I can afford right now. Sigh.

The Dream Weaver necklace is gorgeous. It's my favourite object of adoration at the moment.

Another beauty is this "Serene" throat jewelry. I waaaannt it.

And finally, the Tabula Vulgaris. It's stellar.

I wish jewelry making was a talent of mine.

Mass and migraines

2009-01-30T09:50:00.004-05:00

Both have been unpredictable and a little irritating.

Does anybody else gain weight when they start exercising regularly and eating healthily? Or am I the only lucky one? Andrew got a scale for Christmas that measures weight, fat percent, and hydration. As I exercise more and eat more fruits and veggies (V8 V-fusion is fantastic), my weight has been increasing ever so slightly, along with my fat percent. So, I am not adding heavier muscle, I am...making more fat. Oh, the wonders and joys of my body.

Also in the luck department, I never used to get eye-tearing, moan-inducing headaches centred intensely around my left eye. The last few years I have been getting these monsters for about a week, every few months or so. I was in denial for a while, refusing to believe I too had succumbed to the intense pain gene that is prevalent in both sides of my family. However, I think it's time to admit it. I get migraines, and they suck.

A lot.

There is one developing today. It's been trying to surface all week, I can feel it hovering there, threatening to burst forth when I least expect it. On Sunday it was almost full blown, but I somehow managed to conquer it with a few Motrin and a nap. I'm not sure I will be so lucky today, or tomorrow. I've never escaped an attack before. Especially not one that has been building slowly, biding its time, positioning itself just so.

I'm scared. Hold me?

Defrost Disaster

2009-01-23T08:36:00.005-05:00

Yesterday we woke up to a freezer full of water that should have been ice, defrosted meat that should have been frozen, and mushy, mushy bananas. Egads!

I spent my morning yesterday making spaghetti sauce (might as well use the ground beef while it's hot, so to speak), transferring foods outside, and wondering whether my digestive system is fortified sufficiently to handle chicken that may or may not have been sitting at room temperature just long enough for a small kingdom of salmonella to set up shop.

Trying to salvage what food I could, I made spaghetti sauce, two loaves of banana bread, a loaf of cheese bread, and strawberry banana daiquiris. Unfortunately I still have a frozen yogurt tub three quarters full of brown banana mush in the fridge. I don't have that many recipes that use brown bananas. Also, the cheese bread didn't use up any defrosted frozen stuff, I just wanted it.

Never a dull day around here. Especially when there are daiquiris about.

PS The fudge is fucking fantastic.

Fudge Fiasco

2009-01-21T12:27:00.004-05:00

So I made the fudge.

A few things went wrong. First of all, I mixed all the sugars and cocoa together, and then realized, I have no milk.

I always have milk.

I did look through the recipe first, to ensure I had everything, since I'd just posted about how I didn't have everything the last time I baked, and I skimmed right over milk (hehe), because I always have it. It is a given. Except, I don't have any.

I do have chocolate milk.

This fudge is either going to be really, really good (as I suspect since obviously I've tasted it already), or really really awful.

That was the first hiccup.

The second was that I used my largest saucepan. I figured it would be a good idea, since the recipe called for four cups of sugar. Unfortunately, my biggest saucepan is not that big.

When things are heated, they expand. This is something that most people know.

I got fudge...everywhere. Everywhere. It boiled over the top of the pan onto EVERYWHERE. I wish I'd gotten a picture of my stove because, wow. It was, ugh.

This brings us to my third issue:

Due to a combination of everything above (except maybe the chocolate milk), I could not get the fudge up to the proper temperature. I tried. I heated, stirred, removed from heat to let it go down, removed half the contents from the pan, heated, stirred, let it go down, and repeat, and it still only just avoided overflowing by the combination of my will and that of Van der Waals. UGH. So, it only got to around 225, maybe 228 °F, which is about 12° lower than needed.

This will very likely lead to a fourth issue:

We will probably have to eat the fudge with a spoon.

At least it looked good in the mixer.

Return from Unannounced Hiatus

2009-01-21T08:30:00.004-05:00

Well, that was a while I was gone there, huh? I have no good excuse, except that I finished my degree, went home and ate a lot of good food, got a lot of good presents, and then forged head-on into the wonderful world of job hunting.

It's not a wonderful world. Especially when the economy is down the crapper so no one is willing to hire anybody, least of all me. I have almost resigned myself to the fact that I'm going to have to find a low paying retail job just to get by for a few months until something picks up and I might be able to get a job I paid thousands of dollars to be qualified for.

In other news, my etsy shop is back up and kicking. I closed it down over the holidays, but all is alive and well again.

My favourite Christmas gift this year was my KitchenAid stand mixer. It's big and red and beautiful.

It makes wonderful cinnamon buns and cheese and pesto buns and french bread, and so on and so forth. I love it to pieces.

Today, I am going to make fudge. Peanut butter chocolate fudge. I've never made fudge before, so it will be an adventure.

Two days ago I started making haystacks with the recipe my family has always used since I was little. After I had melted all the butter and sugar and everything together, I reached up for the rolled oats, and I had...very few. Around one cup. I needed three. Now, this is an example of a lesson that I have learned before. Always, always, always make sure you have all the ingredients before you start. I have been known to drive to the store in the middle of a batch of cookies to get eggs. But this, you can't just leave haystacks. So, I started piling everything I could think of into the pot to make up 2 cups of volume. Graham cracker crumbs, almonds, walnuts, and crushed saltines. The mixture was still very runny, but I didn't have anything else to put in it. We're not big cereal eaters, so all we had was Honeycomb and I didn't think that would be the greatest match. Also, it's probably about 6 months old. So, I scooped out the gooey mess onto waxed paper, watched it run all over the place, and put the tray into the fridge, feeling rather dismayed. A few hours later, I gathered my courage and pried a "haystack" that looked rather much like a wet shiny chocolate cookie off the tray and took a bite.

It was delicious. The salt on the crackers totally worked with the chocolate, and the lack of oats really made it smooth and yummy. Andrew said they taste like chocolates you might buy in a box. I was proud of my flop.

I should have pictures for all of these things, but I do not. Maybe next time kids.

Snow!

2008-11-10T16:01:00.003-05:00

I officially saw my first falling snow of the year today. It was beautiful.

Check me again in February. I'll be pissed at the white stuff.

I hate winter, except for the very first bit of it. Come January, I've had enough of it. It really is too bad that I live in a country where winter runs from November to March, or sometimes April. Ah, well. I like Canada too much to move.

Although I'm thinking BC might be the way to go.

Procrastination

2008-11-08T10:58:00.003-05:00

I should be learning about the pyruvate dehydrogenase complex right now, so that I can pass my midterm on monday. But...I'm not. I was, but I have ADD and I cannot focus on boring metabolic processes for too long or my head explodes.

I've been spending a lot of time trying to be productive whilst not being productive. Mostly, I've been Christmas shopping.

For myself.

Le sigh, I am a horrible selfish bad student.

I digress. If I were to write to Santa this year, I would ask for the following:

This "serotonin molecule necklace - for happiness" by molecularmuse. I am in lust with it. I want it.

The "Blue Spiral Nesting Bowl Set" by KarinLorenc. I love her stuff and I realllly need some mixing bowls.

"Little Tear Shaped Oil Candle" by onewintrynight, because I am a pyro and it is beautiful.

I am a total geek, and therefore I absolutely love this "journal of the Alchemists" by JDFStudio1978.

I love this "yuu" sweater by joodito. She is incredibly talented.

This would definitely help with my undying fear of the dark, a "Sun and Moon Mason Jar Night Light" by GeekGear, a guy after my own heart.

Sense a trend? I'm trying to support some etsy artists this holiday season. If you're reading this, and you like me well enough to buy me a Christmas present (I would get you one), please check out my above wish list.

Alright, off to be the very picture of a studious individual.

November Itch

2008-11-07T15:04:00.006-05:00

About this time every year, I start feeling like Christmas. I'm pretty much one of those people, the ones who turn on the Christmas music November 1st, start gift shopping, and so on. Except, I do it in secret. And then lie about it, when asked. I know, I know, you didn't know. I'm a good liar.

I do hold off on decorating, mostly because I would get tired of the decor too early if I started now. I have been shopping around for some ornaments though. Since this is the first year I've ever really had a semi-permanent residence outside my parents' home, I haven't yet accumulated any sort of decoration collection. I'll probably steal some from my mom.

This year though, I can get into the spirit early, and in public, and no one can say boo. What is different this year, is that I have an etsy shop.

I've been making some reusable Christmas wrapping, an inspiration from Andrew who came up with the idea one morning a couple of months ago.

I've also been planning on making more drawstring bags, but life keeps getting in the way of my sewing machine. My mom wraps some of our presents in holiday-themed drawstring bags, and I've carried that idea over.

I'm hoping to find some time this weekend to make a few things. Unfortunately, I've got a midterm on monday, so I'll probably just spend my time posing as a study hermit.

Fresh Cream Cheesecake with Fresh Berries

2008-10-19T17:17:00.005-04:00

Over the summer, I managed to get myself addicted to the Food Network, which has been detrimental to other areas of my life, like school. Luckily I'm in my last semester, so maintaining an 80% average isn't necessary, as I won't be needed my scholarship renewed again. On a note related to that however, despite the fact that my marks absolutely do not matter at this point, I still can't adapt a carefree attitude towards school. Sigh.

Anyway, September is a month of birthdays for me. Two of my sisters, both my parents, and my boyfriend were all born in September. My youngest sister, deciding to give my wallet a break, got herself born on August 28th. HA! Thanks a lot Jo!

I still haven't gotten around to the point of this post, which of course, is the aaaahh-mazing creamy cheesy moussy mound of heaven that I made Andrew for his birthday. It was a while ago of course, but I can still feel its delicious rich texture in my mouth...ohhhhhh...whoops, got a little drool on me there. This was the result of hours of me trying to whip 18% cream by hand (you can't whip 18% cream) and finally giving in and using Dream Whip:

I bought an electric hand mixer the next day. This dollop of white ecstasy was based on a recipe I found on the Food Network website, but of course, being the queen of not having everything required on hand, I made a few substitutions.

It was still on the list of the top 5 most delicious things I've ever eaten. Next time though, I'd get real, genuine heavy cream. And save my arm muscles a lot of fatigue.

The Big Bang

2008-10-18T08:18:00.005-04:00

This blog is to be a place for me to share my creations, ideas, inspirations, frustrations, and loves. It will be an outlet for my greatest achievements, and perhaps even my most epic of failures. We've all had some of those. Some of us more than others.

Until next time...

Stay classy!